Honoring Mother’s Day without Mom
Name & Moms name: Simone and Jane Lefebvre
When did you lose your mom? June 29, 2013
Tell us a little bit about your mom?
God it's hard to even begin. My mom was the sweetest and most giving person I have ever known. If she could help someone in some way whether it be a co-worker or a stranger or one of my friends, she would do her utmost to do what she could to help them and make them feel secure in whatever situation they found themselves in. My mom loved her home, she loved decorating and working on the house and she loved all animals, especially her dogs.
My mom could be quite conservative but then she also had a very eccentric side which started coming out more and more as she got older which was very cool. She loved music that was fun to dance to. We used to dance together at home when a good song would come on. She would grab me and we'd start dancing around the house! We would tango or do whatever kind of dance we could! We had a lot of fun together just being silly. I brought out the silly in her big time!
She was a person who was always interested in doing something different and new, always open to trying different things, whether it be a new restaurant, a new place to visit for vacation, or a different style of clothing.
She loved clothes and had a ton of them! I feel she always dressed with class and taste. When she was home she was forever in her sweats, but when she went out she always looked on point.
She was from the Midwest so that's where some of those more conservative traditional values came in. As she spent her time here in California where she moved in the early 60s, she changed a lot. I could still see those traditional values growing up but she really started to loosen up as I grew up and she grew to love California and the laid back attitude.
My mom was a secretary in her early youth. She also worked at the Broadway in Arcadia and then in her later years she worked at the Superior Court in downtown Los Angeles which she absolutely loved.
She worked as a family administrative assistant and was beloved by all. She grew to love downtown so much it became her second home. If anyone ever talked about downtown in a negative way she would let you know that she did not appreciate it! She truly became an LA girl as the years went on.
My mom and dad were like two peas in a pod and adored each other with every cell of their being and until the day she died, I believe they were twin souls.
I love my mom and I miss her every single day of my life. However in a lot of ways I feel like she has truly never left, I never felt complete without her.
Favorite memory of your mom?
My favorite memories of my mom are when she let her hair down and got silly with me cuz we could get super super silly with the dogs and my dad! Also when she wasn't so buttoned up and would just be who I believe was her true self, but sometimes was a little bit shy about coming out. I welcomed that about her when she would just be crazy Janie!! As My dad always referred to her as, just to be silly.
I never felt more protected and more loved by anyone ever than my mother No one has even begun to come close and I miss that more than I can say.
What helps you get thru each day?
Realizing that she is never truly far away. That we all are here in these human bodies for a while but that our soul is endless and that her soul and spirit is always around me, supporting me, and how I care for the home and how I care for my father and the animals.
I've never felt that empty void of her not being there. I just can sense it. I don't know how to explain it. She would never leave me totally. I know this for a fact.
How has your mom inspired you?
By helping me to be more bold and take chances, trust myself more and believe in myself that I can do it because she believed in me.
I know I sometimes puzzled her, but if anyone could see the real me inside and knew what I could do, it was her even though she didn't always vocalize it, I just knew that she knew. She always believed in me no matter what, even when things looked not so great, she knew I could figure it out and pull through and make things happen. I think she was especially proud when I got my bachelor's and my master's degree after a very tumultuous time in high school and I'm so grateful that she got to see those day.
What is one piece of advice that you would give to those who still have their moms today?
To people who are still fortunate to have their mothers I would say, “ Know one day they will be gone.”
So spoil them, be with them while you can, laugh. Don't take things too seriously. Nothing is really all that serious. Talk to them about the hard stuff. Talk to them about how they would like their end of life things to be handled. Even though it can be very uncomfortable.
It may seem like common sense but love and appreciate your mom with every day that passes. Listen to her because she has a lot of wise things to say, she has lived longer than you.
The amount of wisdom mothers have is beyond comprehension. So many things my mom said about so many different topics was so on point and it always just brought me to my knees when she was often so right. I just didn't know how she knew things so distinctly. Now in my grown up adulthood, her lessons still teach me something. I remember that she was in a similar situation or what she said about something and it helps me so much, and then I pass it on to other people. She just had a way of seeing a situation so clearly that I did not, she could take the emotion out of it and see what was really happening and that was so helpful to me. She was an amazing teacher in that way!
Don't be afraid to talk about the uncomfortable, because the more knowledge you have about what the future holds, and what you can do to make it the best future for you and for her is huge!
Touch on uncomfortable topics from time to time or things you're worried about with her & you'll be glad you did in the end.
My mom and I used to hold hands quite a bit even into my adulthood, we'd get out of the car and we'd hold hands It was just something we always did and I miss that so much. Hold your mother's hand, inhale her smell because you will miss it. Put it in your memory! It's a treasure you do not want to lose.